Solutions not problems

Foreword

Whether we’re watching football, in traffic, at work, or in our private lives—how often do we get annoyed with others who don’t behave according to our expectations? How often do we get upset with ourselves because we don’t live up to our expectations? How often does it drive us up the wall when our partner once again doesn’t do what we want? But when the first adrenaline rush after the anger has subsided, we usually regret our reaction and our thoughts when we briefly lose control. And, often, we realize afterwards that the problem was not as big as we thought. But how do we manage to avoid getting upset and stressing ourselves out with negative thoughts in such situations? The key is solution-oriented thinking and acting. Those who have mastered it focus on the solution and not the problem, do not brood over the past but look to the future, and concentrate on resources and abilities and not on weaknesses and obstacles.

In this pocket guide, I show you how helpful and effective solution-focused techniques and methods are when it comes to looking more positively into the future, improving your performance at work, and making relationships happy and satisfying. Follow me on the journey away from problem-focused thinking to solution-focused living!

Marcus Stobbe wishes you much fun and success in the process!

Often, we see nothing but problems and difficulties, especially when we are under stress. But this perspective is not helpful. On the contrary, it only increases the pressure.

In this chapter, you will learn, among other things,

From problem-focused to solution-oriented

Surely, you know this too: You come home late in the afternoon after a long, exhausting day at work. At dinner, you talk about what didn’t work out, who behaved in an impossible way, or what went wrong. You are all about your problems and the difficulties and try to get them off your chest. Your partner listens and wants to know why things went badly and how you felt about it. The result: You focus entirely on what didn’t work out, and your partner deepens this state of problem focus with their questions. You realize late at night that talking about your problems has brought nothing: Your thoughts continue to revolve around all the things that have already worried you during the day. The problems seem to get bigger and bigger—no thoughts of sleep. You are stuck in the “problem trap”.

Everyone can understand—also through their own experience—that negative thoughts lead to further negative thoughts, worries, and even disaster fantasies. Anyone who is preoccupied with negative things, be it personal conflicts with other people, serious events on the globe, or even existential problems, puts themselves under stress. We get stressed, for example, when our perception of a situation and our own thoughts about it are not in harmony with each other, resulting in emotions that lead to the release of the stress hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline.

Stop negative thinking!

But how can the negative carousel of thoughts be stopped? Fortunately, there are many ways to do this, which you will learn about in this pocket guide. The following example shows that they can be very simple and that it sometimes only takes one question to interrupt the maelstrom of problems.

How can it be that a single question can lead to such a change in mood? It seems that the positively coloured stories have a different “storage place” in our brain. The pleasant positive feelings this triggers seem to trigger other positive emotions in turn via emotional power. So, positive stories set off a positive emotional chain reaction in our brain, so to speak. Incidentally, when stress subsides, we can also think better again and start looking for creative solutions to problems. This is because our cerebrum, which is responsible for everything rational, can only really start thinking once the emotional excitement from the limbic system, where our emotions are processed, has subsided. For example, it is well known from working with creativity techniques like brainstorming that it takes a certain mood to become creative: We are most creative when we are in a relaxed, optimistic mood.

More than mere theory: The experts’ findings

The science of psychology is not that old. Just 100 years have passed since the first Great School of Psychology, psychoanalysis, was developed in Vienna. The best-known representatives of this school of thought were Sigmund Freud, Alfred Adler, and Carl Gustav Jung. They were pioneers of personality psychology and psychotherapy and assumed that human beings are controlled by drives such as pleasure, aggression, or even a sense of community. They assumed that the first years of life shape the personality. From this, they concluded that one must understand these first years in order to understand the adult human being. This led to the methodology, especially with Sigmund Freud, of treating people individually and accompanying them into their past. The goal of therapy was to recognize why they felt the way they did; they should learn to understand themselves better.

Therapists began to work with families, but no one really knew how to proceed exactly, because, at that time, there were no scientifically based findings on this. It was only in 1969 that a research group led by the US psychologist Steve de Shazer began observing therapists at work behind a screen (with the knowledge and consent of the families). From this, de Shazer and his team developed the model of solution-focused brief counselling and continuously expanded it over time to include new insights and techniques. In a learning process based on hundreds of therapy sessions, they tested and retained what proved useful (Szabo, Berg 2006: 19). Based on these insights, therapists focused more and more on working solutions in their clients’ lives instead of concentrating on patterns and problems that hindered solutions and their causes. This created the counter-design to psychoanalysis.

The therapeutic goal of solution-focused family therapy is to help families get along well with each other by recognizing and reinforcing themselves what works. What is special about this is that the therapists do not see themselves as experts on the family’s life, nor do they give advice or pretend to know. Systemic family therapy practitioners aim to work with the family to find out what works. Together with their clients, they focus on questions such as: In which moments is the family doing well? What rituals are shared? What gives pleasure to whom? Such questions help people to find their own solutions and put them into practice. And we can use this perspective not only in our private lives, but also in our everyday professional lives.

The basic solution-oriented attitude

Steve de Shazer was convinced that people already have the solutions to their problems within themselves. We are all the experts for our problems and, thus, also for our solutions. If we have a problem, we should first focus our attention on the fact that we have all the skills necessary to solve it.

The only difficulty is that many people are not aware of this expert knowledge. With a solution-oriented approach, one supports others in developing precisely this awareness and in finding their own solutions. Solution-oriented conversation is, therefore, the perfect counterpart to giving advice. It is not without reason that the bon mot exists that advice is also a blow. The person being advised often finds it unpleasant. They quickly feel patronized and belittled in the face of advice because it suggests that they are not trusted to find their own solution.

Solution-oriented principles

The basic solution-oriented attitude is characterized by several principles. See how these principles fit you personally. The more you can agree with these principles, the easier it will be for you to become solution-oriented.

The principle of separating problems and solutions

In the solution-oriented approach, a clear distinction is made between problems and solutions. At the time, this view was a revolution in view of Freud’s past orientation, which focused on the problems of the individual and the research into the causes of these problems. One does not have to get to the bottom of problems. Their causes don’t have to be known. You don’t have to answer why questions to get better. You don’t have to find out what is wrong with you.

Steve de Shazer was of the opinion that it makes more sense to first develop a solution concept because a problem is always only defined from the difference to a pleasant solution state. When people detach themselves emotionally from their problems, they find it easier to develop solutions for their lives.

The interesting thing about coping with difficult situations is the fact, which can be observed again and again, that in 99% of all cases, people know and can name the problem. But what they can’t name, because they haven’t trained for it and probably have never been asked about it, is the skill they need to make it better. So, if you are in the middle of a difficult situation, instead of tossing the problem back and forth and looking at it from all sides, ask yourself: what skill do I need more of so that I don’t suffer as much or can improve something about the situation? A first solution-oriented step, therefore, leads one away from the problem to an appropriate question, which can also be called a concern. A concern stands for the fact that a person wants something or someone to change. Having a concern also means standing up for something. And last, but not least, it means asking oneself what ability one should develop or acquire more strongly in order to achieve the goal. A collection of ideas can be helpful for this.

No matter what we do or don’t do, no matter whether we say something or remain silent, our behaviour is always registered by other people and usually also evaluated. Quite often, we don’t tell our truths because we suspect that it could hurt the other person and that the relationship with them would suffer as a result. We can also use this ability to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, our empathy, in another way, by observing ourselves through the eyes of others. This allows us to suddenly notice “blind spots” about ourselves and to look at ourselves critically. This benevolent, as well as critical, view from a different perspective helps us to get a reaction to our intentions or also behaviour. We cannot only use the perspective of other people, but also that of animals or even objects—this not only brings new insights, but is also fun!

Talking about problems or concerns should be as short, simple and economical as possible. Behind this principle of economy lies the endeavour that of two paths, the one that leads more quickly to the goal with the same result should be chosen. A look at scientific evaluations of family therapy shows that all forms of therapy together have a success rate of about 60 to 70% (i.e. that 60 to 70% of all families are still together two years after the end of therapy and get along well). If a therapist works according to the solution-oriented approach, they only needs seven sessions of one hour each to achieve such a result. This is more than twice as fast as colleagues who work according to other concepts. In other words, a solution-oriented psychologist can help twice as many people in one week. This is because people don’t talk about how problems come about and how to assess who is to blame, but about what they want and what still works.

The principle of constructiveness

The principle of change

Strong lever for solution orientation: Self-efficacy

The approach of solution orientation shows a connection with the concept of self-efficacy, which is a central element of the so-called social learning theory (Bandura, 1986). The founder of this theory, Canadian psychologist Albert Bandura (1997), found out that people who believe in themselves and their abilities are more involved in their tasks, persevere longer, and always give new impulses. Those who can say and also feel “I can do this” believe in themselves. Self-efficacy is, therefore, the conviction that one can successfully master a certain situation, the feeling of one’s own ability. Self-efficacy as a belief in oneself influences the perception of situations, motivation, and performance. The extent to which this conviction is pronounced is related to the experiences we have had in the course of our lives and also to the imagination with which our brain gives us images of how we can actually do it.

If we have a positive feeling of self-efficacy, we are enthusiastic about our project, we face the situation, in most cases we achieve success and can then transfer our skills to new situations. If, on the other hand, we do not feel up to the challenges we face, we avoid them, even if we have the skills to cope successfully. We then break off actions or do not complete them successfully because we believe that we lack what is necessary.

Solution-focused or problem-focused? The differences

We can approach challenging situations either problem-oriented or solution-oriented. It is entirely up to us. The biggest differences between focusing on solutions and focusing on problems (according to Jackson & McKergow, 2002, p. 7) can be seen in the following aspects and statements:

We can draw many positive lessons for the future from our past. If we look closely, we can discover many success stories in our history—both small and large. They help us to look forward in a solution-oriented way.

In this chapter you will learn, among other things,

Obstructive beliefs and experiences

“You can’t do that!” “That isn’t proper!” “Don’t praise yourself!” “Clean your plate!” Many of these beliefs are firmly anchored in us from our childhood. We still follow these beliefs, which we inherited from our parents or even our grandparents, more or less subconsciously in adulthood, without reflecting on them or questioning them much. Sentences like these make life easier because they give us orientation, but, at the same time, they can have negative consequences for our self-image, our self-confidence, and our self-esteem or, as in the last case, for our figure.

How firmly such beliefs can be anchored in us is illustrated by an example from the psychologist Richard Bandler. It is about a client who came to him because of her lack of self-confidence.

This story shows that, often, don’t even know what we are capable of because we have never learned to analyze the good things, our resources and abilities. Instead, we focus on all the negative things and on our “weaknesses.” When it comes to ourselves, we are sometimes dominated by negative beliefs: “I can’t do that!” or “I can’t do that!” We carry these beliefs with us like packages, weighing us down and causing us to stumble. So we have internalized inappropriate strategies for dealing with problems and difficulties.

Discovering potential with highlight analysis

In difficult situations, solution-oriented interlocutors help us to turn our gaze towards the solution—and not to deepen our problems and weaknesses, which we already know all too well anyway. We can also adopt a solution-oriented perspective all by ourselves. But how does that work exactly?